riverboat gambling step brothers

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Step Brothers 2008

Dale: Dad. We're men, okay? That means a few things; we like to sh*t with the door open, we talk about p*ssy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.

Robert: (Thinks for a minute) We literally have never done any of those things.

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Step Brothers (film)

Step Brothers is a 2008 comedy film directed by Adam McKay , produced by Judd Apatow and starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly .

• 1 Brennan Huff
• 4 External links

Brennan Huff [ edit ]

• (Banging Dale's snare drum with his scrotum) John Bonham 's playing Moby Dick for real!
• (Playing with Dale's drumset, as he yells in one of the drums) FUCK YOU, DALE! FUCK YOU!!
• (Sleep-talking) I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy .
• (At Derek's birthday gathering, during his and Dale's presentation of Prestige Worldwide) Last week, we put Liquid Paper on a bee... And it died.
• (Wearing a Nazi outfit, to some home buyers) Hey, fuckers! Welcome to the neighborhood! My name is Craig. If you guys need any fertilizer, I've got a lot of it; Close to 80 tons. (to Derek, after the home buyers leave) Hey, Derek! Sprechen Sie Dick?
• (In regards to Robert and Nancy, who are retiring, selling their residence and having him and Dale live on their own as adults) Hold on; We're not going on the boat... Derek's selling the house... We have to go therapy? (Robert nods in response) WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?
• (After singing for Dale, upon his request) I felt like I was hovering over my own body, watching myself sing.
• (On Christmas Day, regarding his Chewbacca mask) It's okay that mine's not movie quality.

Dialogue [ edit ]

(After they both discussed things in common)

(After their parents had divorced and now live somewhere else, Dale and Brennan are now the only ones in the house, as they are continuing to whisper in bed)

(Dale screams while he runs toward the room where Brennan is playing his drum set; with Brennan distracted, Dale thereupon grabs a cymbal and bashes Brennan in the head with it)

(Dale finds out that Brennan's brother Derek is conceited and disrespectful)

( Dale and Brennan, after Dale punched Derek )

(Dale farts for about 10 seconds, shocking the Sporting goods manager)

(Robert is furious at Dale and Brennan for destroying his boat as they all come back home from Derek's birthday party.)

(Brennan is staring at Dale while he eats)

(While playing Brennan & Dale's music video "Boats 'N Hoes")

(At the Catalina Wine Mixer)

(As Dale and Brennan are whispering to each other in bed)

(Dale and Brennan have returned to the school playground, this time by helicopter, where they have come for their revenge on the children that once tortured them)

(In the "Extended Version"; after Dale and Brennan had defeated the schoolchildren and Gardocki, who tries to run away, but is held back by Dale and Brennan)

Cast [ edit ]

• Will Ferrell as Brennan Huff
• John C. Reilly as Dale Doback
• Richard Jenkins as Robert Doback
• Mary Steenburgen as Nancy Huff-Doback

External links [ edit ]

• Step Brothers
• Prestige Worldwide

• American films
• Comedy films
• Films directed by Adam McKay
• Films about brothers

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New follow us on social media for motivational videos, 61 step brothers quotes that will make you laugh every time.

The movie ‘Step Brothers’ is a comedy classic. It is full of hilarious quotes that will make you laugh every time. In this article, we have collected 61 of the best Step Brothers quotes for you to enjoy.

This classical comedy was released in 2008 and follows John C. Reilly (as Dale Doback) and Will Ferrell (as Brennan Huff) as two adult step-brothers who are forced to live together when their parents get married. The story continues to follow the two as they form a bond and create chaos.

Whether you are a fan of the movie or not, these quotes are sure to make you chuckle. So sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the funniest lines from one of the most hilarious comedies ever made!

Step Brothers Quotes

• Brennan: “I teabagged your drum set!”
• “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” – Robert Doback
• “Gotta have my boats and ****!” – Dale Doback
• “Did we just become best friends?” – Brennan Huff
• “Get your ****, we’re going to my room.” – Dale Doback
• “Dad, what are you going? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” – Dale Doback
• “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” – Nancy
• “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” – Dale Doback
• “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” – Brennan Huff
• Dale: “Why are you so sweaty?” Brennan: “I was watching Cops.”
• “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.” – Brennan Huff
• Brennan: “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” Dale: “Yup.”
• “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. **** you.” – Dale Doback
• “You know what gets my **** hard? Helping out my friends.” – Derek
• “Your drumset is a *****! I tea bagged your drumset!” – Brennan Huff
• “Why are you so sweaty?” – Dale “I was watching cops.” – Brennan Huff
• “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.” – Brennan Huff
• “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback
• “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your ***.” – Brennan Huff
• “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” – Brennan Huff
• “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” – Alice
• “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan Huff
• “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” – Brennan Huff
• “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” – Dale Doback
• “I’m ******* miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” – Dale Doback
• “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” – Dale Doback
• “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that ************!” – Brennan Huff
• “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!” – Brennan Huff
• Dale: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” Brennan: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”
• “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” – Brennan Huff
• “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta **** one, ***** one, **** one. Go!” – Dale Doback
• “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the **** out of you!” – Brennan Huff
• “I am warning you: If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” – Dale Doback
• “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” – Dale Doback
• “Yeah, I got ’em from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.” – Dale Doback
• “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” – Brennan Huff
• “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” – Dale Doback
• “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” – Brennan Huff
• “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” – Dale Doback
• Brennan: “Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?” Derek: “What?” Brennan: “If you lick my butthole.”
• Brennan: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, OK?” Dale: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”
• Dale: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?” Brennan: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”
• “OK, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it; just do it. One, two, three.” – Dale Doback
• “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” – Dale Doback
• “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” – Derek
• Dale: “Did you rub your balls on my drums?” Brennan: “No, I was watching Cops.” Dale: “I know for a fact that Cops doesn’t come on till four.”
• “Brennan, Denise called, and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” – Nancy
• “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale
• Nancy: “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” Brennan: “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that **** up every day.”
• “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan Huff
• “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback
• Brennan: “Well, Pan…” Pam: “No, it’s Pam.” Brennan: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?” Pam: “My name is Pam.” Brennan: “Pand, there’s a D on the end.” Pam: “No, there’s no D.”
• Dale: “Brennan, you’re alive! Oh, my God!” Brennan: “I know. I’m alive.” Dale: “You were dead. I saw you die.” Brennan: “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.”
• Dr. Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?” Nancy: “Yes… it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.” Dr. Doback: “Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.” Nancy: (checks oven) “Couch pillows.”
• Nancy: “Guys. Guys. Guys!” (both guys wake up and quote the last line from their dreams) Brennan: “I’ll **** you, Leonard Nimoy.” Dale: “The clown has no penis.” Nancy: “What kind of dreams are you guys having?”
• “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” – Dale Doback
• “Dad, we’re men, OK? That means a few things. We like to **** with the door open. We talk about *****. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now that is all wrecked.” – Dale Doback
• “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!” – Dale Doback
• Manager: (after Dale lets out a prolonged fart) “Was that a fart?” Dale: “I don’t know.” Manager: “I can taste it. On my tongue.” Dale: “OK, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.” Manager: “Is that onion? Onion… and onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.”
• “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan
• “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,’ and she grabs me by the wiener.” – Dale

Wrapping Up

Step Brothers will always hold a special place in the hearts of fans who grew up with that movie. It’s a classic for a reason – it has all the ingredients for an amazing time and even if you aren’t too excited about it from the onset, these quotes are sure to pull at your heartstrings. Who could ever get bored of John C Reilly and Will Ferrell’s antics? We all know they’ll be entertaining no matter what. Now that we’ve shared 50 of our favorite Step Brothers quotes, it’s up to you to see how many you can remember or which ones make you chuckle the most. Whether you’ve seen the movie multiple times or will be giving it a go for the first time, we guarantee it won’t disappoint. The laughter won’t stop and before you know it, you’re going to be quoting Step Brothers like there’s no tomorrow!

I’m Audrey, a writer at heart that loves collecting quotes about life, love and everything in between. I strive to find creative and unique quotes that offer great value. I enjoy finding new ways to use these quotes and sharing these creations with others. Thanks for stopping by!

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The Best 'Step Brothers' Quotes, Ranked

Unleash a riot of laughter as you embark on a retrospective journey through one of the most quotable comedies of our time –  Step Brothers . This comedic gem, packed to the brim with hysterical banter, outlandish situations, and unforgettable one-liners, has seared itself into the collective pop culture consciousness, earning a unique status as an endlessly rewatchable classic. This hilarious film, which delves into the chaotic lives of two 40-something yet boyish-at-heart stepbrothers, serves up a humor-filled banquet of laughter and entertainment. Its idiosyncratic lines, brimming with absurdity and wit, have transformed many of its scenes into iconic moments, blurring the lines between comedy and everyday parlance. Our meticulously curated compilation captures the film's essence, offering a cornucopia of memorable quotes that echo through viewers' minds, inciting chuckles and fond memories of the stepbrothers' experience. From playful insults and unexpected punchlines to hilariously strange exchanges, these quotes encapsulate the film's thrilling comedic roller-coaster ride that meanders through the wildly amusing lives of its eccentric characters. Featuring infamous lines thrown by the stepbrother duo on their absurdly funny journey, this collection is sure to spark bouts of laughter. It celebrates the irreverent humor woven into the fabric of Step Brothers whilst offering a delightful reminder about why this transcendent film continues to be a modern classic. Prepare to reacquaint yourself with the whimsical charm of the Step Brothers movie through these side-splittingly funny lines that pack a punch of humor, eccentricity, and a healthy dose of nostalgia. Rediscover the unabashed fun, the comedic wit, and the sheer absurdity that this film boasts through its artfully crafted dialogues. This compilation is more than just a collection of quotes. It's an invitation to relive the unparalleled comedic brilliance and charm that Step Brothers gifted to viewers worldwide. So, come along, indulge, vote, and let’s dive deep into the comic genius of one of the most beloved comedy classics of our time!

Hillbillies

Dale Doback : You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.

Brennan Huff : You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed f*ck!

No Television

Dr. Robert Doback : Alright, that's it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a week!

Dale Doback : WHAT!?

Nancy Huff : We are so serious!

Brennan Huff : You're f*ckin' high!

Nancy Huff : This remote goes in Robert's room and it stays there...

Brennan Huff : This house is a f*cking prison!

Dale Doback : On Planet Bullsh*t!

Brennan Huff : In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel D*cks!

Dale Doback : Why are you so sweaty?

Brennan Huff : I was watching Cops .

I Just Figure It Out

Dale Doback : I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.

Catches Me Out Of The Shower

Dale Doback : Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.

For A Second

Brennan Huff : Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be r*ped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "Let's get it on."

Brennan Huff : Boats and h*es!

Dale Doback : Gotta have me my boats and h*es!

Shoulder Pain

Brennan Huff : Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?

Derek : What?

Brennan Huff : If you lick my b*tthole.

The Exact Same Thing

Dale Doback : Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?

Brennan Huff : Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you’re not gonna not get Randy Jackson’s autograph, right?

Dale Doback : I would’ve done the exact same thing.

She's Your Therapist

Nancy Doback : Brennan, Denise called and she said she can't spend New Year's Eve with you because she's not your girlfriend, she's your therapist.

Better Not Go To Sleep

Brennan Huff : Yeah. You better not go to sleep, cause as soon as your eyes shut I'm gonna punch you square in the face.

Dale Doback : I hope you stay still when you sleep, cause I'm gonna put a rat trap between your legs.

Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the sh*t out of you.

Touch My Drums

Dale Doback : I am warning you: if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.

Brennan Huff : Your drumset's a wh*re! I tea bagged your drumset!

Dale Doback : My drumset's a guy, so it makes you gay, you f*cker!

Brennan Huff : I swear, I'm so p*ssed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Hearing Devices

Dr. Robert Doback : You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!

Brennan Huff : Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f*ck!

Nancy Huff : Brennan.

Brennan Huff : Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.

Nancy Huff : Oh, stop it! Stop it right...

Brennan Huff : Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your *ss...

Nancy Huff : Brennan!

Brennan Huff : ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces sh*t!

Sticks And Stones

Brennan Huff : Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

Time Machine

Brennan Huff : You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.

Dale Doback : Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like m*sturbating in a time machine.

Catalina Wine Mixer

Brennan Huff : It's the f*cking Catalina Wine Mixer.

Best Friends

Dale Doback : On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : Velociraptor.

Brennan Huff : Favorite non-p*rnographic magazine to m*sturbate to.

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : Good Housekeeping .

Brennan Huff : If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?

Dale Doback, Brennan Huff : John Stamos.

Dale Doback : [stomps foot] What?

Brennan Huff : Did we just become best friends?

Dale Doback : Yep!

[they high five each other]

Brennan Huff : Do you wanna do karate in the garage?

Dad, We're Men

Dale Doback : Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to sh*t with the door open, we talk about p*ssy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.

[brief pause]

Dr. Robert Doback : We literally have never done any of those things.

Dr. Robert Doback : When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the back yard. I chased the neighborhood cats. I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said, “Bobby, you are 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,” and I said, “OK, Pop,” but he didn’t really say that. He said, “Stop being a f*cking dinosaur and get a job."

Shooting Flaming Arrows

Brennan Huff : Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.

Dale Doback : I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.

International Waters

Derek : I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you… You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your d*ck.

Randy : Like Kobayashi.

Derek : I’ve seen him do it.

Brennan Huff : You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?

Derek : It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.

Voice of an Angel

Dale Doback : [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

Terrible Idea

Dale Doback : (after the bunk beds fell on Brennan) Dad, what a terrible idea. Why did you let us do that?

A Green Belt

Brennan Huff : I have a green belt - read it and weep.

Dale Doback : I don’t believe in belts.

A Little Tickle

Alice : I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my v*gina. You could just live there, it's warm and it's cozy... Oh, I'd just walk around with you in there and just knowing, whenever I feel a little tickle or scratch, it's your hair on my v*gina!

Not Gonna Happen

Derek : I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. Check these out. (shows abs) See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehl's in the shower. You want to touch this sh*t?

Dale Doback : No.

Derek : You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.

Brennan Huff : I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh*t on me?

Liquid Paper

Brennan Huff : Last week I put liquid paper on a bee... And it died.

• Step Brothers
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Motivational And Inspirational Blog

80 Best Step Brothers Quotes And One Liners From The Movie

• April 12, 2023
• Inspirational Quotes

Looking for quotes about step brothers? We have rounded up the best step brothers quotes, sayings, captions, movie dialogues, hilarious one-liners, (with images and pictures) from the classic comedy Step Brothers. The film Step Brothers written by Adam McKay and Will Farrell released in 2008 which had a lasting impact on our lives. The movie has some memorable and hilarious quotes and diaglouges  follows two immature adults (Will Farrell and John C. Reilly) who still live at home and are forced to live together when their parents get married. Initially hating each other, the pair eventually become best friends. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Step Brothers Quotes Step Brothers Movie Quotes Funny Step Brothers Quotes Step Brothers Quotes “I am not the one staring at me.” “Then we’ll get around just fine.” “It’s the f***ing Catalina wine mixer.” “Snapping necks and cashing cheques.” “This cyclone in vanuatu. Is it pan or pam?” “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” — Robert Doback “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.” “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale Doback “Shut your mouth. You’re just coming off stupid.” “Last week I put liquid paper on a bee… And it died.” “Don’t ever, ever touch my drum set. You understand?” “Did we just become best friends? “Yep!”” — Brennan Huff “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale Doback “Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” — Derek “I you wake me up… I will stab you, in the neck with a knife.” “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale Doback “I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my pe***!” — Brennan “I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” — lumberjack Brennan “Boats ‘n’ hoes, boats ‘n’ hoes / I gotta have me my boats and hoes.” “Robert better not get in my face, ’cause I’ll drop that mother f***er.” “You know what gets my di** hard? Helping out my friends.” — Derek “I didn’t want Salmon! I said it four times! This wedding is horse sh**.” “I wanna make bank bro. I wanna drive a range rover. I wanna get a**.” “Your drumset is a wh***! I tea bagged your drum set!” — Brennan Huff “Your singing is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale Doback “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my v***na.” — Alice “Get out of my face, or I’m gonna roundhouse your a**.” — Brennan Huff “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan “I got a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!” “You’re wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms.” “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale Doback “I’m f***ing miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale Doback “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story…and possibly the evening.” “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale Doback “See that black smudge right there on the blade? Randy, Jackson, from American Idol.” “I’m Brennan.” “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” “You have to call me Nighthawk.” “The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Marian I’ll do you in the bottom while you’re drinking Sangria.” “This house is a f***ing prison!” “On Planet Bulls**t!” “In the galaxy of This S***s Camel D***s!” “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*** one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale Doback “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” — Brennan “You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I’m gonna punch you square in the face!” “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” — Nancy “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.” — Brennan Huff “They broke! The bunk beds were such a terrible idea why did you make us do it? There;s blood everywhere!” “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff “We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart” — Prestige Worldwide, “Boats ‘n’ Hos” “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big, fat, curly-headed f***!” “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale Doback “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek “I’m not gonna call him dad. Brendan you are 39 years old, I wouldn’t expect you to call him dad. Well I’m not going to, ever! Even if there’s fire.” “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan Huff “Or a feel minutes feel better but then my emotions decided to come back with a slap across my face and I sounded like I was choking on piece of biscuit from popeyes.” ““I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.” “You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.” “It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that sh** up every day..”” “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale Doback “Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to sh** with the door open, we talk about pu***, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.” — Dale Doback. “Flat. It’s so flat, I can’t even…I don’t even know. You don’t even look good while you’re singing. The worst thing I’ve ever heard. This is twelve hundred dollars a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get? Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo…” “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes “Oh my God, I’ve had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs me by the weiner.” “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that’s what you mean.” “You’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f***! Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000. Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your a**, you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces s**t!” “When I was a kid…I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that, he said, ‘Stop being a f***ing dinosaur and get a job.’”  Best Step Brothers Movie Quotes “So many activities!”– Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching cops.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”— Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!”— Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) “Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” — Nancy (Step Brothers Movie) “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”– Dale (Step Brothers Movie) “Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan (Step Brothers Movie) Funny Step Brothers Quotes “ Who’s the retard?” “What if I want wings?” “There’s so much room for activities.” “I’ll lick the dog sh** if you leave us alone.” “That’s cute, I remember when I had my first beer.” “I was about six there. You don’t wanna see me go to ten.” “I think I might be able to help with the pan-pam dilemma.” “I don’t believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness.” “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.” “I honestly, thought that I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes and at one point he said,”Lets’s get it on.”   What’s your favorite “Step Brothers” one-liner? 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50 Step Brothers Quotes That’ll Make You Laugh Hard

If you need some cheering up and laughter in your life, then these Step Brothers quotes are for you.

Step Brothers is a film about family, being yourself, and chasing your dreams. But, above all, it is one that will crack you up and give you your dose of daily laughter.

The plot is already hilarious, with two immature men in their 40s trying to live their way through life. So, there really was no shock when the film grossed millions of dollars in its release, especially with Will Ferrel and John Reilly’s expertise in comedy. Read our complete collection below to revisit this comedy masterpiece!

Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these Fast Times at Ridgemont High quotes and Wedding Crashers quotes .

Best Step Brothers Quotes

1. “Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” – Brennan Huff

2. “Haha, that’s so funny. The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur!” – Dale Doback

3. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” – Dale Doback

4. “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story, and possibly, the evening.” – Derek Huff

5. “I am not the one staring at me.” – Brennan Huff

6. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats. I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘Okay, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a f*cking dinosaur and get a job.'” – Robert Doback

7. “I’m f*cking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” – Dale Doback

8. “Did we just become best friends?” – Brennan Huff

9. “I used to smoke pot with John Hopkins. It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, and they would blaze that sh*t every day.” – Brennan Huff

10. “Don’t lose your dinosaur.” – Robert Doback

Funny Step Brothers Quotes

11. “Hey Derek, you know what’s always good for shoulder pain? If you lick my butthole.” – Brennan Huff

12. “You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.” – Derek Huff

13. “It’s just like cold case files, it’s just like cold case files.” – Dale Doback

14. “Here’s a scenario for you. Let’s say Nancy catches me getting out of the shower. And she thinks I look good. And she sees my chest pubes all the way down to my ball fro, and she says, ‘I’ve had the old bull. Now, I want the old calf.’ Then she grabs me by the weiner.” – Dale Doback

15. “I’ll lick the sh*t if you leave us alone.” – Dale Doback

16. “I pleasured myself this evening to the image of you punching my husband.” – Alice

17. “I feel like a lightning bolt just hit the tip of my penis.” – Brennan Huff

18. Dale Doback: “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.”

Brennan Huff: “You have to call me Nighthawk.”

19. “You’re not a doctor. You’re a big fat curly-headed f*ck.” – Brennan Huff

20. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” – Brennan Huff

Also read: Funny Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes About the Drum Set

21. “I am warning you, if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” – Dale Doback

22. Dale Doback: “Did you rub your balls on my drums.”

Brennan Huff: “No, I was watching cops.”

23. Brennan Huff: “I teabagged your drum set!”

Dale Doback: “Oh yeah. Well, my drum set’s a guy, so that makes you gay!”

24. Brennan Huff: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay?”

Dale Doback: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”

Also read: Caddyshack Quotes , Clerks Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes That’ll Tell You About Their Family Dynamics

25. “Dad, what a terrible idea. Why did you let us do that?” – Dale Doback

26. “My mom is being eaten by a dog, and there’s nothing I can do!” – Brennan Huff

27. “Dad, we’re men, okay? That means a few things. We like to sh*t with the door open. We talk about p*ssy. We go on riverboat gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do. And now, that is all wrecked.” – Dale Doback

28. “Dad, what are you doing? It’s Shark Week!” – Dale Doback

29. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” – Brennan Huff

30. Dale Doback: “Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. F*ck you.”

Robert Doback: “Anything else?”

Dale Doback: “No, bon voyage! Have a great time!”

31. Dale Doback: “You and your mother are a bunch of hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors. The only reason we’re letting you live here is because me and my dad thought your mom was hot, and we thought we’d keep her around so we can both bang her, and we’ll deal with the ret*rd in the meantime.”

Brennan Huff: “Who’s the ret*rd?”

32. “You geriatric f*ck! You better keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother, who is a saint, or else I’ll shove one of your hearing devices up your *ss so you can hear the sound of your own small intestines producing sh*t!” – Brennan Huff

Also read: Family Quotes

Step Brothers Quotes to Learn About Music

33. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who’ve heard me. That good.” – Brennan Huff

34. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Dale Doback

35. “Flat. It’s so flat. I can’t even. I don’t even know. You don’t even look good while you’re singing. The worst thing I’ve ever heard. This is $1200 a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get? Okay, I’m gonna save it with the solo.” – Derek Huff

Also read: Music Quotes

Hilarious Step Brothers Quotes for a Day Full of Laughter

36. “When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” – Brennan Huff

37. Brennan Huff: “Well, Pan—am.” 

Pam Gringe: “No, my name is Pam.”

Brennan Huff: “Are you saying, Pan or Pam?”

38. Denise: “Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.” 

Brennan Huff: “God, you’re gonna make me cry. What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?”

39. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” – Dale Doback

40. Manager: “Was that a fart?”

Dale Doback: “I don’t know.”

Manager: “I can taste it on my tongue.”

Dale Doback: “Okay, I’ll be honest with you. I did fart.”

Manager: “Is that onion? Onion. Onion, and ketchup. It stinks, and this is a small room.”

41. “Okay, on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just do it. One, two, three.” – Dale Doback

42. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*ck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” – Dale Doback

43. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” – Brennan Huff

More Step Brothers Quotes That Will Make You Chuckle

44. “Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” – Nancy Huff

45. Robert Doback: “Is this your purse in the freezer?”

Nancy Huff: “Yes, it’s Brennan. He sleepwalks.”

46. Dale Doback: “Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?”

Brennan Huff: “It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!”

47. “One time, I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” – Dale Doback

48. “I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the sh*t out of you!” – Brennan Huff

49. “Robert better not get in my face ’cause I’ll drop that motherf*cker!” – Brennan Huff

50. “I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina.” – Alice

More: Hot Rod Quotes

Did These Step Brothers Quotes Lighten Up Your Day?

There is nothing funnier than two overgrown men acting like kids and being ridiculous in life. So, watching Step Brothers is a time off from the seriousness of our daily lives full of work, stress, and responsibilities.

On the surface level, Step Brothers may just seem like a film of adults being idiotic and irresponsible. But, when you look at it closely, it conveys the celebration of staying true to ourselves and reaching our dreams. Without the brothers’ attitude in life, they would never succeed in music.

Overall, the film is a hilarious take on staying a child at heart. We hope that these quotes were able to motivate you to pursue what makes you happy. Keep doing what you want and enjoy life!

Which Step Brothers quote did you like the most? Have you watched the Step Brothers film? Leave a comment below!

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Karen Danao

Hi, I’m Karen , a content curator and writer for Quote Ambition; I’m also a marketing and advertising professional. Beyond the keyboard and the screen, I’m someone who’s out to enjoy every bit that life has to offer!

Poetry, philosophy, history, and movies are all topics I love writing about! However, my true passion is in traveling, photography, and finding common ground to which everyone from different cultures can relate.

With the many places I’ve been to, I found that love, inspiration, and happiness are some things that bring people together. No matter how different we are on the outside, I’m a true believer that our emotions don’t lie; if you dig deep into our psyche, we’re all the same inside.

This belief was further amplified when I joined Quote Ambition. Through the quotes I’ve read, collected, organized, and written about, I found that humans are resilient, creative, and compassionate.

We take from each others’ hearts and courage, and it’s through our individual experiences that we learn how to rise above our challenges and pain. In so many ways, Quote Ambition is a platform that allows people from all over the world to gain the inspiration they need anytime, anywhere!

You can find me on MuckRack and LinkedIn .

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“Step Brothers” quotes

“- Nancy Huff: Guys. Guys. Guys! [both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams] - Brennan Huff: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy. - Dale Doback: The clown has no penis . - Nancy Huff: What kind of dreams are you guys having?” Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags. - Dale Doback: Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain? - Derek: What? - Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff Adam Scott - Derek

- Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, "oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf", and she grabs me by the weiner. - Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the... (continue) (continue reading) John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

- Brennan Huff: Mom , I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "lets get it on". - Dale Doback: That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper! - Brennan Huff: Look, I didn't touch your drum set, okay? - Dale Doback: I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my... (continue) (continue reading) Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom . As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Dale Doback: Why do you have Randy Jackson's autograph on a martial arts weapon? - Brennan Huff: 'Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you're not gonna not get Randy Jackson's autograph, right? - Dale Doback: I would've done the exact same thing.” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

- Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out. - Male Therapist : Is this "Good Will Hunting"? - Dale Doback: No. - Male Therapist : It sounds a lot like the plot of "Good... (continue) (continue reading) John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Ian Roberts - Male Therapist

“- Derek: You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick. - Randy: Like Kobayashi. [makes eating noise] - Derek: I've seen him do it. - Brennan Huff: You've actually seen him eating a man's penis ? - Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.” Adam Scott - Derek Rob Riggle - Randy Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

- Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty? - Brennan Huff: I was watching " Cops ". John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison ! - Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit! - Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

One day my dad said, "Bobby, you are 17. It's time to throw childish things aside", and I said, "okay, Pop". But he didn't really say that, he said, "stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job". Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

“- Dr. Robert Doback: You have one month to find jobs or you're out on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday and you will go! - Dale Doback: Dad , why are you talking to me like this? I'm your son. - Dr. Robert Doback: I'm not buying that crap anymore!” Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Brennan Huff: I remember my first beer. - Dale Doback: That's so funny , the first time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Dale Doback: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart. - Sporting Goods Manager : Is that onion? Onion and... Onion and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room .” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Seth Rogen - Sporting Goods Manager

“- Dale Doback: Dad , we're men. That means a few things, we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips , and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked. - Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Richard Jenkins - Dr. Robert Doback

“- Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors. - Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!” John C. Reilly - Dale Doback Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Brennan Huff: I did start taking baby aspirin . To reduce my risk for heart attack . - Dale Doback: That makes sense . You gotta keep an eye on it.” Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Nancy Huff: What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas? - Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace , but next year I'm gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I'm impatient with my body.” Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff Elizabeth Yozamp - Tiffany

You know that one scene in "The Wizard Of Oz"... when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? That's what it was like. John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

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70 Step Brothers Quotes To Prove It’s The Best Movie Ever

By Author Kirsten Hill

Categories Movie Quotes

Your parents remarrying and bringing new people into your home is never an easy thing. Not even when you’re 39.

Step Brothers is a hilarious movie about two grown-ups, Brennan and Dale, who, by the choice of their newly wedded parents, become step-brothers.

They are grown-ups by their age, but definitely not by their behavior.

It’s been 14 years since the movie came out, and it’s time to remember some of its most iconic moments. I’ve collected 70 genius Step Brothers quotes to make you laugh again!

70 Most Iconic Step Brothers Quotes

1. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” — Dale

2. “I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.” — Dale

3. “I’m not gonna call him dad, not even if there’s a fire.” — Brennan

4. “I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.” — Dale

5. “Listen, gang, don’t be mad at Dale for ruining the story…and possibly the evening.” — Derek

6. “Did we just become best friends?” — Brennan 

7. “I am warning you: If you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.” — Dale

8. “I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek

9. “Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.” — Nancy

10. “I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that’s what you mean.” — Dale

11. “I know you touched my drumstick, ’cause the left one has a chip in it.” — Dale

12. “One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands.” — Dale

13. “Alright, that is it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a whole week!” — Robert Doback

14. “I felt like I was hovering over my own body, watching myself sing.” — Brennan

15. “I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” — B rennan

16. “Brennan, Denise called, and she said she can’t spend New Year’s Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend, she’s your therapist.” — Nancy

17. “Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching cops.” — Brennan

18. “You better not go to sleep. As soon as your eyes shut, I’m gonna punch you square in the face.” — Brennan

19. “I think I might be able to help with the pan-pam dilemma.” — Brennan

20. “I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.” — Brennan

21. “Last week, I put liquid paper on a bee… and it died.” — Brennan

22. “I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale

23. “I’m going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the sh!t out of you.” — Brennan

24. “Shut up. You’ll wake up my Dad and get me grounded.” — Dale

25. “You are wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms.” — Pam

26. “I’m f*cking miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale

27. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale

28. “Flat. It’s so flat. I can’t even…” — Derek

29. “No way, Kemosabe. This is my house now.” — Brennan

30. “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale

31. “Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale

32. “Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.” — Denise

33. “I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.” — Brennan

34. “I got a belly full of white dog cr*p in me, and now you lay this sh** on me?!” — Brennan

35. “I don’t believe in belts. There should be no ranking system for toughness.” — Dale

36. “My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan

37. “Are that onions? Onions…and onions and ketchup. It stinks. And this is a small room.” — Manager

38. “That’s so funny; the last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.” — Dale

39. “I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes, I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.” — Dale

40. “This is twelve hundred dollars a week for voice lessons, and this is what I get?” — Derek

41. “You don’t even look good when you’re singing.” — Derek

42. “Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f*ck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale

43. “Robert better not get in my face because I’ll drop that motherf*cker.” — Brennan

44. “Gotta have my boats and hoes!” — Dale

45. “You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!” — Brennan

46. “Listen, I know that we started out as foes. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan

47. “Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you.” — Brennan

48. “You are not a doctor…you’re a big fat curly-headed f*ck.” — Brennan

49. “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.” — Dale

50. “Dad, why are you talking to me like this? I’m your son.” — Dale

51. “What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan

52. “Do you want to do karate in the garage?” — Brennan

53. “Dad, we’re men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about p*ssy. We go on riverboat gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do and now that is all wrecked.” — Dale

54. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!” — Brennan Huff

55. “You’re gonna love this neighborhood. Every single house here recycles.” — Dale

56. “The only thing is, Brennan’s very…particular about who he sings in front of so…I’m his mom, for example, and I’ve only heard him sing…twice.” — Nancy

57. “When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats; I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said, ‘Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside,’ and I said, ‘OK, Pop.’ But he didn’t really say that. He said, ‘Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.’” — Dr. Robert Doback

58. “There’s so much more room for activities.” — Brennan

59. “You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!” — Dale

60. “Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?” — Dale

61. “That’s cute. I remember when I had my first beer.” — Brennan

62. “If you’re referring to me as b**t buddy, then yes, I do have a name: and it’s Brennan Huff.” — Brennan

63. “Get your sh*t, we’re going to my room.” — Derek

64. “Hey, you know, we don’t have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren’t here.” — Dale 

65. “It’s just weird, cause it seems like someone definitely touched my drumset.” — Dale

66. “Your drumset is a wh*re! I tea bagged your drumset!” — Brennanf

67. “I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. Check these out.” — Derek

68. “You can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces sh*t!” — Brennan

69. “I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace, but next year I’m gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I’m impatient with my body.” — Tiffany

70. “I have a 39-year-old son named Brennan – who still lives at home with me!” — Nancy

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Step Brothers

• Brennan Huff : I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.
• Dale Doback : Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.
• Dr. Robert Doback : Shut the fuck up!
• Brennan Huff : This house is a fucking prison!
• Dale Doback : On Planet Bullshit!
• Brennan Huff : In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!
• [ about Robert ]
• Brennan Huff : I'm not gonna call him Dad.
• Nancy Huff : Brennan, you're 39 years old. I wouldn't expect you to call him Dad.
• Brennan Huff : Well I'm not going to, *ever*! Even if there's a fire!
• Dale Doback : Why are you so sweaty?
• Brennan Huff : I was watching Cops.
• Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!
• Dr. Robert Doback : You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
• Brennan Huff : Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
• Nancy Huff : Brennan.
• Brennan Huff : Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
• Nancy Huff : Oh, stop it! Stop it right...
• Brennan Huff : Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...
• Nancy Huff : Brennan!
• Brennan Huff : ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!
• Dale Doback : You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
• Brennan Huff : You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!
• Male Therapist : So, Dale. I don't know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
• Dale Doback : I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.
• Male Therapist : Is this Good Will Hunting?
• Dale Doback : No.
• Male Therapist : It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
• Dale Doback : Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck...
• Dale Doback : On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : Velociraptor.
• Brennan Huff : Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : Good Housekeeping.
• Brennan Huff : If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
• Dale Doback , Brennan Huff : John Stamos.
• Dale Doback : [ stomps foot ] What?
• Brennan Huff : Did we just become best friends?
• Dale Doback : Yep!
• [ they high five each other ]
• Brennan Huff : Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
• Dale Doback : [ after hearing Brennan sing ] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
• Dale Doback : [ while Brennan is singing ] Boats and hoes!
• [ Dale and Brennan are in beds next to each other ]
• Dale Doback : [ whispering ] Hey, you awake?
• Brennan Huff : [ also whispering ] Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I just want you to know I hate you. And so does my dad.
• Brennan Huff : Well that's fine. Cause guess what? I hate you too. And this house sucks ass.
• Dale Doback : Well the only reason you're living here, is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.
• Brennan Huff : Who's the retard?
• Dale Doback : You.
• Brennan Huff : [ raising his voice ] Hey ya'll don't say that!
• Dale Doback : Shut up! You'll wake up my dad and get me grounded.
• Brennan Huff : Just shut up!
• Dale Doback : [ Dale turns his face to Brennan ] Oh yeah?
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan turns his face to Dale ] Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I'm a curly-headed fuck?
• Brennan Huff : Yeah. You better not go to sleep, cause as soon as your eyes shut I'm gonna punch you square in the face.
• Dale Doback : I hope you stay still when you sleep, cause I'm gonna put a rat trap between your legs.
• Brennan Huff : I'm going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you.
• [ Dale turns away from Brennan ]
• Dale Doback : I want you out of my fucking house!
• Brennan Huff : No way Kimosabe. This is my house now.
• Brennan Huff : Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
• Dale Doback : I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.
• Dale Doback : I'm just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
• Dr. Robert Doback : Dale, I think it's time for a change. For both of us.
• Dale Doback : Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
• [ brief pause ]
• Dr. Robert Doback : We literally have never done any of those things.
• Dale Doback : [ as they are called back into the office for their first interview ] We're here to fuck shit up!
• Brennan Huff : Your drumset's a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!
• Dale Doback : My drumset's a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker!
• Brennan Huff : Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
• Derek : What?
• Brennan Huff : If you lick my butt hole.
• Brennan Huff : Robert better not get in my face... 'cause I'll drop that motherfucker!
• Nancy Huff : Jesus, Brennan!
• Nancy Huff : You yelled "rape" at the top of your lungs.
• Brennan Huff : Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, "Lets get it on."
• Dale Doback : That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!
• Brennan Huff : Look, I didn't touch your drum set, okay?
• Dale Doback : I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.
• Denise : So, I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.
• Brennan Huff : Okay.
• Denise : How old were you when they got divorced?
• Brennan Huff : Fifteen.
• Denise : That's a hard age.
• Brennan Huff : Yes. Yeah.
• Denise : Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
• Brennan Huff : I love you.
• Denise : Obviously... you don't know me.
• Brennan Huff : I love you so much.
• Denise : Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of... comfortability with me.
• Brennan Huff : It's more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin' love you.
• Denise : Okay, I... think...
• Brennan Huff : I'm just thinking about our life together. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
• Denise : That is so... off-putting.
• Brennan Huff : You're not feeling this?
• Denise : In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.
• Brennan Huff : I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
• Nancy Huff : You dont know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
• Brennan Huff : It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin' that shit up everyday.
• Nancy Huff : [ Brennan and Dale are sleeping, Nancy walks in to wake them up ] Guys. Guys. Guys!
• Brennan Huff : [ Both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams ] I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
• Dale Doback : The clown has no penis.
• Nancy Huff : What kind of dreams are you guys having? Hey, it's 12:30. Brennan, your brother's coming today, so you might want to get up.
• Brennan Huff : Today?
• Nancy Huff : Yep.
• Brennan Huff : Shit.
• Dale Doback : What's your problem?
• Brennan Huff : My little brother is even a bigger asshole than you are.
• Dale Doback : Boats and hoes!
• Derek : I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you... You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
• Randy : Like Kobayashi.
• Randy : [ makes eating noise ]
• Derek : I've seen him do it.
• Brennan Huff : You've actually seen him eating a man's penis?
• Derek : It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.
• Sporting Goods Manager : [ after Dale finishes his very prolonged fart ] Was that a fart?
• Dale Doback : I don't know.
• Sporting Goods Manager : I can taste it. On my tongue.
• Dale Doback : Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.
• Sporting Goods Manager : Is that onion? Onion and... Onion and ketchup.
• Sporting Goods Manager : It stinks. And this is a small room.
• Sporting Goods Manager : Okay. Now the tuxedos seem kind of fucked up.
• Dr. Robert Doback : When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day my dad said, "Bobby, you are 17. It's time to throw childish things aside," and I said, "Okay, Pop." But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job."
• Dale Doback : Why do you have Randy Jackson's autograph on a martial arts weapon?
• Brennan Huff : 'Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword. And you're not gonna not get Randy Jackson's autograph, right?
• Dale Doback : I would've done the exact same thing.
• Dale Doback : Brennan you're alive! Oh my God!
• Brennan Huff : I know. I'm alive.
• Dale Doback : You were dead. I saw you die.
• Brennan Huff : I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.
• Derek : What do we do now?
• Brennan Huff : We could hug.
• Derek : Yeah, you'd like that, faggot!... Sorry.
• Dale Doback : [ referring to him and Brennan geting beat up by kids, while crying ] You know that one scene in The Wizard Of Oz... when the flying monkeys pull apart the scarecrow? That's what it was like.
• Dr. Robert Doback : We're putting the house on the market.
• Dale Doback : Where are we moving?
• Brennan Huff : Is the house haunted?
• Dr. Robert Doback : Nancy and I are retiring and sailing around the world on my boat. We are living the dream.
• Dale Doback : Well what about us?
• Nancy Huff : I- I'm sorry. Robert... we thought that you should take responsibility for your own lives.
• Dr. Robert Doback : And this is the exciting part. We're gonna put enough money in your accounts for a security deposit on an apartment.
• Dale Doback : What's this all about?
• Nancy Huff : Um, more than just money. We're gonna get you another kind of support as well.
• Dr. Robert Doback : You're both gonna see therapists. Nancy thinks it'll help. And guys, that's non-negotiable.
• Brennan Huff : Hold on. We're not going on the boat, Derek's selling the house, we have to go to therapy?
• [ Robert nods ]
• Brennan Huff : WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?
• Dale Doback : Dad, what are you doing? It's Shark Week.
• Derek : [ Derek suddenly climbs up Brennan's treehouse with a beer ] What's up, faggots?
• [ to Brennan ]
• Derek : What's up man? What? You're not gonna come down and say hi to me? What's with that, dipshit? Huh?
• Brennan Huff : [ faintly ] Hi, Derek.
• Derek : Whoa, calm down, man. I'm just joking. You guys, I really like your guys' setup up here...
• Dale Doback : What is your problem, man?
• Derek : My problem? I don't know! I don't have a problem, Dale. Actually, I have the opposite of a problem: I made over 550 K last year!
• Derek : How much did you make?
• Dale Doback : [ shrugs ] It's not about money...
• Derek : No, it's not about money. Well, for me, it's a little bit about money...
• Derek : And I made that much money last year. I am the VP of the biggest executive-helicopter-leasing company on the Western Seaboard. Okay? I haven't had a carb since 2004. Check these out!
• [ Derek lifts up his shirt and shows Dale and Brennan his chest abs ]
• Derek : See these? See these boys? This is what I live with! Every day I lather this up with Kiehl's in the shower. You wanna touch this shit? You wanna touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen!
• Derek : It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
• Brennan Huff : You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.
• Dale Doback : Yeah, I got 'em from the 70's, 80's and 90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine.
• Brennan Huff : [ in his therapist's fantasy ] I've traveled five hundred miles to give my seed.
• Brennan Huff : Holy Santa Claus Shit!
• Brennan Huff : We put liquid paper on a bee, and it died.
• Derek : What if I were to tell you that I could sell this house... for 30 percent above market?
• Dr. Robert Doback : That'd be great. Could you do it?
• Derek : Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby. Look, I got my real-estate license a few years back for shits and gigs. I'd even do it for four-fifths commish... because you know what really gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends.
• Dale Doback : Hey man. Did you touch my drumset?
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan nods his head ]
• Brennan Huff : Nope.
• Dale Doback : It's just weird, 'cause, it seems like someone definitely touched my drumset.
• Brennan Huff : Yeah, that is weird, 'cause I didn't touch 'em.
• Dale Doback : [ Dale throws Brennan's feet off the couch ]
• Brennan Huff : Hey!
• Dale Doback : [ angrily ] Did you touch my drumset?
• Brennan Huff : Hey, knock it off!
• Dale Doback : I know you touched my drumstick, 'cause the left one has a chip in it.
• Brennan Huff : Are you fucking crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.
• Dale Doback : Fuck you Brennan! I know you touched my drumset, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it.
• Brennan Huff : Get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!
• Dale Doback : You swear on your mom's life that you didn't touch it then!
• Brennan Huff : I don't have to swear to shit!
• Dale Doback : That's 'cause you fucking touched my drumset! 'Cause I know COPS doesn't start 'till 4:00!
• Brennan Huff : [ Brennan begins to leave the room ]
• Dale Doback : Where you going?
• Brennan Huff : I'm going upstairs... 'cause I'm gonna put my nutsack, on your drumset! Okay?
• [ Brennan continues to walk upstairs towards his drumset ]
• Dale Doback : If you do that - I'm warning you, right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, in the neck, with a knife!
• Alice : Stay golden, Ponyboy.
• Brennan Huff : I remember my first beer.
• Dale Doback : That's so funny the first time I heard that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
• Brennan Huff : This wedding is horse shit!
• Dale Doback : We're in the bathroom!
• Alice : This'll just take a minute. There's really little you can do about it. Let me just hop on.
• [ suddenly opens his pants and mounts him against the wall ]
• Dale Doback : It's all slippery!
• Dale Doback : Hey. Are you awake?
• Brennan Huff : Yeah.
• Dale Doback : I can't believe we actually have to move out of this house.
• Brennan Huff : I know. I feel bad.
• Dale Doback : Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore. Mom and Dad aren't here.
• Brennan Huff : Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though? It helps me pretend that they are.
• Dale Doback : You must feel just terrible. I mean, I know I feel bad.
• Dale Doback : But I can't imagine how you feel after my dad looked right at you and said it's all your fault that they broke up.
• Brennan Huff : That's funny, because my mom said: "If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here everything would be perfect."
• Dale Doback : You take that back.
• Brennan Huff : No way. It's your fault.
• Dale Doback : You know what your problem is? You live in a fantasy land. You refuse to get a joband you don't know what it's like to work for something.
• Brennan Huff : You don't take responsibility for your actions. This is all your fault!
• Dale Doback : Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public!
• Dale Doback : [ Brennan leaves the bedroom angrily ] Yeah, that's right. Run away, little boy, because you know it's true. Just avoid everything. What are you doing?
• [ Brennen is heard in the next room banging on the drums and chanting ]
• Brennan Huff : Dale broke up Mom and Dad
• Dale Doback : Motherfucker!
• [ Dale rushes into his office ]
• Brennan Huff : Dale broke up Mom and Dad Dale broke up Mom and Dad
• [ Dale picks up a cymbal and hits Brennan over the head with it. Brennan falls ]
• Dale Doback : Brennan! Get up, Brennan, I know you're faking. Get up! Get up! Brennan?
• Nancy Huff : [ speaking at her wedding ] Well, as you all know, my youngest son, Derek, couldn't be here because of an important fishing trip. But my other son, Brennan, was going to be moving into his own place, but he was recently let go from his job at PetSmart, so he is gonna be living with us.
• Brennan Huff : [ raises up out of his chair ] I wasn't *fired* from my job, I was laid off, but you wouldn't know the difference!
• [ he raises his plate ]
• Brennan Huff : I DIDN'T WANT SALMON! I SAID IT FOUR TIMES!
• [ Brennan throws his plate and walks out of the room ]
• Brennan Huff : This wedding is *HORSESHIT!*
• Brennan Huff : [ while burying Dale alive ] Now I'm gonna play your drumset! Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you...
• [ after burying Dale ]
• Brennan Huff : This is your fault. Oh, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna sleep good tonight...
• [ Brennan walks away ]
• Dale Doback : [ climbs out of the dirt and lunges at Brennan ]
• [ growling ]
• Dale Doback : DON'T YOU TOUCH MY DRUMS!
• Brennan Huff : [ screams ] Zombie! ZOMBIE! Get off me, zombie!
• Dale Doback : The only reason you're living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we'll put up with the retard in the meantime.
• Dale Doback : I manage a baseball team.
• Nancy Huff : Oh, little league?
• Dale Doback : Fantasy league.

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History of Riverboat Gambling on the Mississippi

The South has always been at least somewhat friendly to gambling due to the rise of the riverboat in the early 1900s. Games of chance were kept on the water so that anti-gambling laws wouldn’t apply. Games like poker and roulette took place on grand riverboats, even if the ship never left the dock.

This tradition was greatly reduced when the railroad became the main way to transport both goods and people, but some riverboats remain in the South today. In Mississippi and Louisiana, especially, retired steamboats are now used for river cruising and for gambling in places like Vicksburg.

Online casinos are one of the latest innovations in the casino industry. Since the rise of technological advancements, they are solid competitors to U.S.-based land-based casinos. Many gambling restrictions still remain in the South and across the ocean. For example, every casino in the UK gets licensed by the UK Gambling Commission.

The regulations of the U.S. online casino market have led to developers existing who only get associated with U.S. casinos and are not available at UK-based gaming sites. Some famous developers for the U.S. market are RealTime Gaming, Relax Gaming, Rival Gaming, Elk Studios and Betsoft.

But for those players who want the old-time experience of dressing up and boarding a grand steamboat, the South has plenty for them. Just look along the Mississippi River from Missouri to Louisiana. According to Visit Mississippi , the first steamboat to travel the Mississippi River was the New Orleans, whose October 1811 maiden voyage began in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The New Orleans stopped in Natchez in December 1811 before continuing to its final port in New Orleans.

Wealthy Southerners could afford to travel by steamboat, and some were ornately decorated in the Victorian style. The riverboat casinos that remain today continue that grand tradition, with music playing onboard, restaurants available to players and even live entertainment offered regularly.

So, if you want to step back in time and experience the old South by river—without all the outlaws and pirates —consider a riverboat cruise or evening of gaming.

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Description: 3 seconds sound clip from the Step Brothers (2008) movie soundboard.

You can hear this line at 00:04:46 in the Blu-ray version of the movie.

Quote context

- Jesus, Brennan.

- I'm just saying, I think you gotta think about your options.

- I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here.

- I think it's time for a change for both of us.

- Dad, we're men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with the door open. We talk about pussy.

- We go on riverboat-gambling trips.

- We make our own beef jerky.

- That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.

- We literally have never done any of those things.

- Where did he go to medical school?

- He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins.

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Funny quotes with sound clips from the Step Brothers (2008) movie soundboard. The short audio quotes can be downloaded as wav files or in mp3 format and visitors can rate the best lines or sayings.

Actors : Will Ferrell ( Brennan Huff ), John C. Reilly ( Dale Doback ), Richard Jenkins ( Robert Doback ), Mary Steenburgen ( Nancy Huff ), Adam Scott ( Derek Huff ), Kathryn Hahn ( Alice Huff )

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Riverboat Gambling In The US – The Best Riverboat Casinos

We count on Jane to inform our readers about the latest slot games in the US market. With her passion for video games and a degree in engineering, she’s our gambling tech expert . Jane’s also active in our blog section, where she tackles the curiosities and changes in the industry.

If you were to close your eyes and imagine a riverboat casino, your mind will probably conjure up an image that would look like something straight out of a Mark Twain novel. Riverboats are represented in pop culture as paddlewheel steamboats that float around languidly, while the cacophony of laughter and excited hoots make their way through the air.

However, riverboat casinos are far more advanced than once thought out to be, offering a unique experience to tourists and seasoned gamblers. In this guide, we’ll take a trip down the river and explore the origins, history and current state of the best riverboat casinos in the USA. All aboard!

Riverboat Gambling In The US – The Rise of the Riverboat Casinos

If only it was easy to point out a go-to destination for the best riverboat casinos. Riverboat gambling goes back a long way through American history. To see a complete picture of riverboat gambling today, we need to first ride down the cruise ship of history to discover the origins of riverboat gambling . Meanwhile, if you are located in any state with legal online gambling, you can play at any of the best online casinos in the US . Read on till the end of this guide to take your pick on the best riverboat casino locations.

• 📖 History of riverboat gambling
• ⛵ Riverboat gambling economies
• 🧐 Fun Facts
• 💰 Riverboat Casinos Today

History of Riverboat Gambling in the USA

When riverboat gaming first took the USA by storm, paddlewheel riverboats had long been used on the Mississippi River as a means of passenger and freight transportation. With the advent of the railways, riverboats saw their utility decline and started to be viewed as entertainment and leisure vessels by the public.

Boat cruises were popular for their live music and dancing, but also as a way to escape the crowded cities across the US. As these boats became entertainment hubs, gambling gained popularity on board . Initially, gambling was limited to card and table games, but slot machines were eventually added to most riverboats. Nowadays, players in states with legal online gambling can enjoy the best real money online casinos . For example, if they are within the state of New Jersey, they can enjoy the best online casinos in NJ without leaving the comfort of their own homes.

As the Mississippi River served as the border of several states, it created the perfect legal gray area. In 1903, several states simultaneously softened their stance on gambling due to the economic potential that it offered. Thus began the golden era of riverboat gambling . The first casinos were required to be located on ships that would have to sail away from the dock. In some parts, gambling was only allowed once the ship was sailing.

The Lyndon B. Johnson Era

The administration under Lyndon. B Johnson placed significant restrictions on what riverboat casinos could legally do. In 1951, the Transportation of Gambling Devices Act was passed, which made the transportation of gambling devices across state borders illegal. This placed limitations on how riverboats could operate.

Riverboat casinos were first approved by state lawmakers in the late 20th century by those states which prohibited gambling on land. In the 1980s, lawmakers had the vision to revive the golden era of riverboat gambling. Several states simultaneously introduced laws that permitted gambling on water vessels, creating the framework under which they still operate today. Iowa was the first state to fully legalize riverboat gambling . Apart from Iowa, Riverboat gambling is legal in Mississippi, Illinois, Indiana, Louisiana, and Missouri too.

Riverboat Casino Economies

In 2010, there were 10 operational riverboat casinos. This number might pale in comparison to the number of land casinos in the United States, but riverboat gambling saw a massive boom during the 2010s. In 2018, there were 63 riverboat casinos in operation across the legal states. This spike in growth suggests that riverboat casinos have a distinct appeal, separate from that of land-based casinos.

Riverboats make massive contributions to local economies, as all winnings are taxed by the state. Before you start playing, make sure to acquaint yourself with the gambling commission of the state in which you are planning on playing. In Iowa, if you win over $1,200, you’ll be paying an eye-watering 15% as tax to the state and 5% to the local community, whereas in Iowa, the tax rate stands at a little over 5%.

Proponents of riverboat casinos frequently argue that these floating casinos increase employment rates in the communities where the boats are docked. To support the requirements of large floating casinos, communities are engaged in the development of restaurants, shopping, accommodation, recreation, and other hospitality facilities to capitalize on the spending power of visiting tourists .

Since state legislatures were never willing to give up on the revenues generated by casinos. In a unique ruling in 1998, courts had stated that boats had to be “solely over and in contact with the surface” of rivers, thereby eliminating the need for actual floating vessels. Over time, the rules were amended to allow the construction of casinos on stilts , with the caveat that they had to be located in navigable water.

Fun Facts About Riverboat Casinos

Before we get into the list of top riverboat gambling destinations, we would like to share a few fun historical facts and trivia that you might find interesting. These facts might even make good conversation starters should you get down to maritime gaming.

When riverboat gambling was legalized for the first time in the late 1980s, different states put forward varying cosmetic requirements . In an inconvenience to casino owners, all Louisiana riverboat casinos were required to be constructed exactly like the 19th-century paddlewheel steamboats, for reasons unknown. To run a legal riverboat casino in Indiana, vessels had to have a minimum length of 150 feet and a minimum carrying capacity of 500 passengers.

There have also been violent incidents associated with riverboat gambling. As riverboat casinos operated on the water, it was often thought that they were somehow exempt from the laws of the land. Historians have discovered several instances of individuals punishing cheaters and thieves by taking the law into their own hands. in 1835, five gamblers were lynched in Vicksburg Mississippi when they were caught cheating.

Some of the biggest reforms to riverboat gambling were brought on – unfortunately – by Hurricane Katrina. Before 2005, most riverboat casinos only allowed gambling when the vessel was sailing. However, this was not realistic all year round, as boats could not leave their docks in unpredictable weather . After Katrina, most state laws dictate that riverboat casinos need to be docked for safety.

Riverboat Casinos Today

The Mississippi River region is still the hotbed of all riverboat gambling in the United States. Today, there are over 20 riverboat casinos that gamblers can choose from. Let’s take a look at some of the best riverboat casinos today. In order to make this list, the casinos that we evaluated have had to meet stringent requirements of variety, novelty, hospitality, and service.

The Amelia Belle, Louisiana

One of the best riverboat casinos in Louisiana that we recommend are owned by Boyd Gaming, the casino giant from Paradise Nevada. The Amelia Belle is located in Amelia Louisiana , between Houma and Morgan City, built on the edge of the water in the Avoca Island Cutoff waterway.

The Amelia Belle could easily be considered one of the beautiful casinos in this guide. Spread out over four stories, it sports a turn-of-the-century look and appears stunning when illuminated at night. The Amelia Belle has over 800 slot machines and 15 table games .

The Amelia Belle recently added dining options to feed the hunger of visiting gamblers. If you are visiting, drop by the Bayou Cafe on the first floor to grab a quick bite. The Amelia Belle is open 24×7 on the weekends and you can expect games like Blackjack, Texas Hold ‘Em, Three Card Poker, and Electronic Roulette.

Grand Victoria Casino, Illinois

The El Dorado Resorts-owned Grand Victoria Casino is located on the Fox River in Elgin, Illinois. The Grand Victoria stands out from the other top riverboat casinos in this guide as it has an abundance of restaurants on board . Before we look into their gastronomical offerings, let’s examine gambling aboard the Grand Victoria.

The Grand Victoria offers a gambling experience unmatched by others in the area. With a casino floor that covers 29850 square feet , you could spend hours at the Grand Victoria without going through everything that’s on offer. The casino even has a High Limit Room for big bettors.

Within the casino, you’ll find 1000 of the most popular slot machines and video poker games. You can also try your hand at 29 Vegas-style table games, a poker room, a lounge, and seasonal entertainment venues . There are also several well-established hotels near Grand Victoria, in case you want to make your excursion a multi-day affair.

While most riverboat casinos were slow to catch up to fine dining experiences, the Grand Victoria is ahead of the curve. You can indulge yourself at four restaurants on board named Buckinghams Steakhouse and Lounge, Indulge Show Kitchen Buffer, Crave Deli and Prime Burger house.

Casino Queen Marquette

Casino Queen Marquette is a smaller riverboat casino owned by CQ Holdings. Thanks to its small size and limited capacity, Queen Marquette offers a more exclusive and personalized experience in comparison to other top riverboat casinos. Located next to a 31-acre site, the casino has a marina, an enclosed dining pavilion on the first floor, and an entertainment center on the second floor.

Since it is a small and quaint casino, you will only find 8 live tables at Queen Marquette. This is balanced out with the provision of 566 slot machines and video poker games . Some of the games you can look forward to playing at Queen Marquette are Mississippi Stud, Ultimate Texas Hold ‘em, Blackjack and Fusion Roulette.

Ameristar Casino MIssissippi

The Ameristar Casino is located on the banks of the famed Mississippi River. It is conveniently located on the Mississippi-Louisiana border just off Interstate 20. The casino is part of a much larger complex featuring a hotel, three restaurants, a blues bar, a cabaret, and a full-service RV Park.

The Ameristar Casino has 70,000 square feet of the casino floor. You can enjoy games at 27 tables or 1571 gaming machines. There are also 10 live-action poker tables. The casino has been designed to retain the atmosphere of a 19th-century gambling boat .

Frequently Asked Questions

If you’ve had your eyes glued to the screen till the end of this guide, you know exactly where to go to find an authentic riverboat gambling experience in the USA>. Apart from the casino boats mentioned in this guide, there are several others that are worth looking into. However, we can guarantee that you will have a fabulous experience playing at the casinos that we have covered in this guide.

Is riverboat gambling legal in the USA?

How many riverboat casinos are operational in the usa, which is the best riverboat gambling facility in america, what games are available at the best riverboat casinos, what additional facilities are available at riverboat casinos.

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Legends of America

Traveling through american history, destinations & legends since 2003., george devol – old west card sharp.

George Devol

“I don’t know just how thick my old skull is, but I do know that it is pretty thick, or it would have been cracked many years ago, for I have been struck some terrible blows on my head with iron dray-pins, pokers, clubs, stone-coal, and bowlders, which would have split any man’s skull wide open unless it was pretty thick. Doctors have often told me that my skull was nearly an inch in thickness over my forehead.”

– George Devol, Forty Years a Gambler on the Mississippi

George H. Devol was the greatest riverboat gambler in the history of the Mississippi River. He was also a con artist, a fighter, and a master at manipulating men and their money.

Born on August 1, 1829, in Marietta, Ohio, George Devol was the youngest of six children. His father was a ship carpenter and was often away from home. Though Devol had good opportunities for early education, he didn’t like school and spent most of his time playing hooky. The unmanageable boy was also prone to fighting, coming home almost daily with scratches and bruises from his numerous scuffles. When a teacher attempted to discipline him with a hardy whipping, he would turn on them, hitting them with stones that he carried in his pocket. While his father was away building boats much of the time, his mother would be forced to call in a neighbor or passerby to help with his punishment.

Devol ran away at the age of ten, serving as a cabin boy on a riverboat steamer called the Wacousta .  Evidently, Devol did a good job in this capacity as he soon took a better-paying job on a boat called Walnut Hills .

Another boat came soon after – the Cicero , where Devol learned to play “Seven-Up” and the art of bluffing. Seeing the high lifestyle of the professional gamblers on the boat, Devol was determined to follow in their footsteps, and by the time he was in his teens, he could deal seconds, palm cards, and recover the cut.

Fighting would continue to be a natural part of his life, and he soon developed skills with a gun, never hesitating to pull it.

By the time the Mexican War broke out, he was on a boat called the Tiago . Soon, Devol thought it a good idea to go to war and got a job as a barkeeper on the Corvette , bound for the Rio Grande and Mexico.

While aboard the Corvette, he met a man who taught him how to “stock a deck.” Upon reaching the Rio Grande and joining the forces, he quickly utilized his newly learned skills to swindle the other soldiers. But he grew bored with soldiering, and with his pockets filled with his ill-earned gains, he returned to New Orleans, although not for long.

At the tender age of 17, Devol’s pockets were filled with almost three thousand dollars as he headed back home to Ohio, laden with gifts for his family.

While back in Ohio, he mastered the games of Faro and Rondo.  Devol continued to hone his skills and made hundreds of thousands of dollars in the years before the Civil War .  Working the steamboats of the South, he joined in with other card sharps, including Canada Bill Jones , Bill Rollins, Big Alexander, and many others over the years.

Playing Faro

One trick that Devol liked to play was betting against ministers, who inevitably lost their meager wages to the professional gambler. However, Devol would always return their money, along with this advice: “Go and sin no more.” But to the many soldiers, paymasters, farmers, thieves, and businessmen, he was not so kind.

When the war was over, the railroads began to head west, with settlements sprouting up all along the way.  Many of these burgeoning towns, often filled with railroad workers, miners, and cowboys provided all manner of vices, including prostitution , numerous saloons , and the ever-present gambling halls. Supplying perfect opportunities for Devol’s operation, he followed the railroad expansion between Kansas City and Cheyenne in the early 1870s.

According to his account, Devol was working the Gold Room Saloon in Cheyenne when he encountered Wild Bill Hickok .  Devol tells the story that when Hickok placed a $50 bet, he lost.  He then placed another $50 bet, winning the hand that time; however, the dealer handed him back only $25.  When Wild Bill protested, the dealer stated that the house limit was $25. “But you took 50 when I lost,” said Hickok, to which the dealer responded, “Fifty goes when you lose.” The quick-tempered Hickok wasn’t about to accept those terms “sitting down” and quickly whacked the dealer on the head with his walking stick, turned over the table, and stuffed his pockets with the till.

On another occasion, when Devol was working the railroad route, he beat a railroad director out of $1,200.  This one-time winning game resulted in Devol’s profession being quickly curbed when the outraged official prohibited gambling on trains.  Further, the Pinkerton agency was hired to be on the lookout for the most notorious professional gamblers, including Devol.

In 1892, Devol published his autobiography, Forty Years a Gambler on the Mississippi , telling of his life and probably exaggerating much of it. Shortly after he published his book, the great days of railroad and riverboat gambling were over. At his new wife’s insistence, he retired from gambling for good in 1896 and spent the last years of his life selling his book.

It is estimated that Devol won over two million dollars in his forty years of gambling.  However, when he died in Hot Springs , Arkansas , in 1903, he was nearly penniless.

Reno, Nevada Gambling, 1910

©  Kathy Weiser-Alexander / Legends of America , updated November 2021.

Old West Poker

Saloons of the Wild West

Scoundrels of the Old West

A Guide To The Most Iconic Riverboat Casinos In The US 

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Talk about casino destinations and you’ll most likely think of Las Vegas, Atlantic City or, if you are travelling outside the US, maybe Monaco or Macau.

Yet what are called “land based” or “bricks and mortar” casinos to differentiate them from the online versions are not necessarily on land or made of bricks and mortar.

We refer, of course, to riverboat casinos, a little slice of Americana that’s as American as Super Bowl Sunday or Thanksgiving turkey. Riverboat casinos conjure up images of the Mississippi and Mark Twain complete with white suit, top hat and cigar. There are more than 60 riverboat casinos operating in the USA and every single one of them has a story to tell. Here, we highlight a handful of the very best.

The Grand Victoria, Elgin

Our first stop is not on the Mississippi at all, but on the Fox River in Elgin, 50 miles north west of Chicago . Owned and operated by Caesars Entertainment, the Grand Victoria really is a slice of Las Vegas on the Illinois waterfront.  With more than 1,000 slots and video poker terminals and 36 tables, there’s a great choice of games.

If all that gambling whets your appetite, there are four dining options on board, including the highly rated Buckingham’s Steakhouse and Lounge.

Casino Queen, Marquette  

The Casino Queen would look like a lifeboat if it was moored alongside the Grand Victoria, but that is all part of its charm. It offers a more intimate and personalized experience, and although there are only eight tables, they host an intriguing variety of games that are not commonly found in land (or water) based casinos. If you know how to gamble online in the US , you’ve probably seen fusion blackjack and 21+3 at US online casinos. The Casino Queen gives you an opportunity to play them in real casino surroundings.

When you step ashore, there is an adjacent 31-acre entertainment complex with a variety of attractions and a huge choice of dining options.

The Amelia Belle, Amelia  

At last, we arrive in Louisiana, where the Amelia Belle lies nestled in the Avoca Island Cutoff waterway. This classic four-story riverboat looks like it has stepped straight out of a photograph from the turn of the 20 th century. When it is lit up at night, it takes your breath away.

At the tables, poker is the order of the day. The casino offers Mississippi stud, 3-card poker and Texas Holdem. There are also 800 slot games, while the Fanduel sportsbook has self-service betting kiosks, a wall full of television screens, and a huge video wall to show the biggest events.

Sam’s Town, Shreveport

On the opposite side of Louisiana, Sam’s Town could not be more different to the Amelia Belle. This floating leisure complex houses a hotel, health spa, sauna and live entertainment venue.

The casino offers more than 1,000 slots and 30 table games that include blackjack, roulette, baccarat, Let it Ride and Craps No More.

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